Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
