What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
