There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
