All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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