Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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