my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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