Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
