okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
