I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
