coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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