I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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