Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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