It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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