So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
