Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
