if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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