You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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