if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
