Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
