Ambien. No doubt about it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
