The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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