Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
