i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it hurts more in the daytime
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
