My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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