i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the raccoons are back...
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