were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
