she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
