tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
