I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
