Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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