I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i out mim tonsoeep
I love you.
Bad choice
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
