Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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