I cannot find my penis.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
