Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We are two peas in an std pod
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
