They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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