Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
