Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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