Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
