Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
