margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you never un-have a 4some
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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