this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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