My hair reeks of homosexuality.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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