Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When did angry sex become our thing?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
