my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
