Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
