we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
