i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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