All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
