OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
