Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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