dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
