apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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