I hate all girls vehemently.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
