I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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