I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
