Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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