isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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