I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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