Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
