apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
