Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the condom got lost in my hair
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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