brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This house was built for laser tag.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
