Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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