it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
