we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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