i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
