Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
