he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
God, I missed his penis.
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