I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
