Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
