So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
