she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
