can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
